


The End and a New Beginning

by dragonflyMerri



Category: Merlin (TV), Merthur - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-23
Updated: 2012-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-02 10:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/367860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonflyMerri/pseuds/dragonflyMerri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was only a moment's weakness, but Arthur's guilt and denial drives a wedge between him and Merlin and drives Merlin from court. It's up to the knights to get Merlin back before Arthur's temper kills them all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End and a New Beginning

The door to Gaius’ workroom opened and Merlin walked in. Gaius continued working, recognizing Merlin’s footsteps.  
“Ah, there you are Merlin, I need you to pick some new herbs for me” Gaius glanced over his shoulder “MERLIN! What on earth happened? Who did this to you?”  
Merlin was pushed over to the workbench by Gwaine, who followed him in. Lancelot entered and closed the door.  
“He had a fight with Arthur on the training field” said Gwaine  
“Arthur did this?” Gaius was horrified as he examined Merlin’s blood-drenched face.  
“I don’t think it’s as bad as it looks,” noted Gwaine, peering closely at Merlin “Not all that blood is his.”  
“Lancelot – bring me a bowl of water and a cloth” Gaius instructed, prodding gently at Merlin’s face.  
A cut over the eye was bleeding freely and was threatening to swell the eye shut. One cheek was swollen and turning an angry red, and a well placed blow had split both upper and bottom lip. An ugly bruise was working its way up Merlin’s jaw line. Merlin sat, staring at the floor, not saying a word and barely wincing while Gaius attended him.  
“Why did Arthur do this?” asked Gaius.  
“They had a disagreement,” said Lancelot, a master of understatement. “Merlin quit as Arthur’s servant and Arthur attacked him”  
“Arthur’s banished Merlin – given him one hour to get out of Camelot” said Gwaine.  
“An hour? That’s ridiculous! He can’t banish Merlin like that! Gwaine, you and Lancelot need to talk to Arthur, make him see some sense!”  
“No” Merlin’s voice was soft “No. I’ll go” He stood up and headed to his room. “I need to pack”  
“It’s no use Gaius,” said Lancelot as he watched Merlin disappear into his room “I’ve never seen either of them like that, so angry with each other.” Lancelot looked at Gaius, his eyes full of sorrow. “I don’t know what they were arguing about, but the things they said to each other, such anger and bitterness. Arthur said that Merlin was nothing but a servant… nothing but a servant with no claims on him.” Lancelot shook his head “He has no idea how special Merlin is, no idea of everything that Merlin has done for him, how many times Merlin has saved him.”  
“Arthur is an ass!” stated Gwaine as he stood up to follow Merlin to his room.  
There was a knock on the workroom door, and it opened to admit Sir Leon.  
“Gaius, Arthur has need of you.” Leon looked at Gwaine “How’s Merlin?”  
“He’ll live. How’s Arthur?”  
A fleeting grin chased across Leon face. “He’ll live. Percival is setting his nose for him”  
Gaius was aghast “Merlin broke Arthur’s nose?”  
“With a bit of help from us” shrugged Gwaine.  
“Not intentional help” noted Lancelot as he shot a withering glance at Gwaine.  
“Arthur was getting the better of Merlin, when Percival and Leon managed to grab him and pull him off” Gwaine explained.  
“Unfortunately” continued Leon “It gave Merlin a perfect opening to land a blow before Gwaine and Lancelot could grab him.”  
“That’s when Arthur banished Merlin,” finished Lancelot. He glanced towards Merlin’s bedroom “We should help him.” Both Gwaine and Lancelot headed to the room.  
“Gaius” said Leon “Arthur really does need your services. Merlin may be small, but he’s a fighter when he’s angry.”  
Gauis gathered together some clean supplies and followed Leon, stopping only to call out “Merlin, don’t you dare leave before I see you!”

****

Lancelot and Gwaine stood in the doorway and watched Merlin gather together his few belongings. Both had tried to talk Merlin into apologizing to Arthur, but Merlin remained doggedly silent as he packed. When Merlin stooped to remove a floorboard and pull out an ancient, heavily embossed book, the two knights exchanged glances, but said nothing. Then from under his bed, Merlin pulled out an ornate staff topped with a blue stone. “That’s it,” he said.  
Gwaine and Lancelot each took one of Merlin’s packs, leaving him to carry his staff. As they passed through Gaius’ workshop for the last time, Merlin stopped for a final look around. The workshop was in its usual disarray with overturned bottles and books and charts lying around. Raising a hand and closing his eyes, Merlin whispered a few words. The knights watched in amazement as bottles and their contents righted themselves, scrolls re-rolled themselves, books closed and stacked themselves.  
Then Merlin cupped his hands and again muttered a few words. Opening his hands, he revealed a selection of herbs. He walked over and laid them on the table at Gaius’ usual spot, then turned and headed to the door. The knights looked at him with awe.  
“I rather think he’d prefer a bottle of mead,” said Gwaine, and he was rewarded with a brief but definite smile.

****

“Ah Arthur, there you are finally” Uther said as he continued to sign documents. “You’re late as usual, what’s your excuse this – Good God, what happened to you?!” Uther looked up and his mouth fell open.  
Arthur approached the table, refusing to look up. One eye was an explosion of black and blue and threatening to swell shut. His nose was cut and swollen red, his lower lip was split.  
“Training accident” muttered Arthur as he sat and reached for a quill and a document to sign.  
“That’s quite the training regime,” said Uther disbelieving. “Well, let’s get down to business. Now where did Sir Leon put that trading contract?” Uther lifted and sorted through the various papers on the table. “And where is Sir Leon? I can’t find him anywhere.”  
“I expect he’s at the stables,” said Arthur. Dropping his quill, he stood up abruptly. “Excuse me father, there’s something I have to do.” Without waiting for approval, Arthur strode out of the room.  
“But you didn’t…Arthur!…Arthur!…oh never mind” muttered Uther to his departing son. “Youth these days, no discipline!”

****

When Arthur entered the stables, he found his knights clustered around Merlin, helping him to load his horse, offering him words of advice and farewell, pressing items upon him that he might need on his journey. Arthur frowned when he noted that Merlin’s possessions were loaded on a large gray horse.  
“That’s not Merlin’s horse.” Arthur’s voice cut across the chatter, and as one, everyone turned to look at him.  
“It’s my horse,” said Gwaine “He’s a good horse, reliable. He’ll serve Merlin well.”  
“Merlin’s horse is Caru,” said Arthur, his glance going to the sturdy, placid bay that Merlin usually rode.  
“Caru belongs to Camelot.” Merlin’s voice was cold as ice.  
“Caru is your horse Merlin. Probably the only horse you won’t fall off.”  
“I don’t want anything from you Arthur. I don’t expect you to provide me with one of your horses. I’m just a servant remember?”  
The knights held their collective breaths, their eyes swinging back and forth between the two opponents.  
With eyes blazing and jaw clenched, Arthur lurched at Merlin, grabbing his jacket and forcing him backwards, over to the tack room. “Out!” he roared to the terrified stable hand then slammed the door behind his retreating back.

****

Arthur flung Merlin away from him, turning his back, trying to regain his composure. Taking a deep breath, he turned to Merlin, his face a mask of controlled frustration. His voice, when he spoke, was dangerously soft “You shouldn’t have pushed it Merlin. You should have left it alone!”  
“I can’t leave it alone” Merlin’s voice was just as angry, just as soft. Both of them were aware that the knights stood on the other side of the door and the room was not soundproof.  
Merlin stepped towards Arthur, shaking his head. “How am I supposed to ignore this?” he whispered. “It happened. It will happen again…”  
“It will never happen again!” Arthur denied angrily “It can’t ever happen again. I won’t allow it. Camelot won’t allow it.”  
“But..”  
“No, Merlin. Never again.” Arthur took a deep, shuddering breath, and his eyes sheened with tears. “The world watches me, Merlin. Whatever I do, someone knows, someone sees. I am the prince of Camelot and I have a duty to marry and produce heirs to the throne.”  
Arthur’s shoulders fell in defeat, and a single tear traced its way down his cheek. “What happened between us… just for one night…to give in… I needed you so much…wanted you, so much… just once…”  
“I wanted it too, Arthur” Merlin said softly as he moved to stand close to him, so close Arthur could feel his every breath. Arthur felt his heart clench.  
“But it can’t be, can never be again.” Arthur walked to the other side of the tack room, trying to put as much space as he could between them. “I…lead men into battle. I command the respect and loyalty due to the prince of this kingdom. How can I ever do that again, if the men knew that I… that I placed the love of a man, a servant, above all that I hold true.” Arthur shook his head in denial. “I can’t risk everything for you Merlin. I won’t be allowed to give it all up for you.”  
Arthur tuned to face Merlin. “It is considered a crime and a sin. And it will destroy me. You have to leave Camelot, Merlin. I am not strong enough… to withstand you if you stay. It can’t ever happen again, but if you stay, I don’t know if I have the strength to resist…you.”  
Merlin’s eyes softened in understanding and it was almost the undoing of Arthur. Merlin turned and walked to the door. Without looking back he said, “Be a good king, Arthur. Try not to be such a prat… and remember that I served you well”. Then he opened the door and walked out.  
Merlin mounted his horse – it was Caru. The knights had transferred his belongings while he was talking to Arthur. With final goodbyes, he rode out of the stable and out of Camelot.  
When Arthur finally emerged from the tack room, none of the knights commented on the tears that marked their Prince’s face.

****

A New Beginning

“Aaarrrgggghhhhh” Arthur swung his sword and Percival leapt out of the way just in time. The practice field was electric with tension, the only sound, the sounds of battle. With another cry, Arthur leaped towards Gwaine, his sword a blur as he swung and slashed.  
Cursing loudly, Gwaine frantically defended himself, backing up under Arthur’s furious attack. “For God’s sake – someone stop him!” he cried out in desperation before tripping and flying backward. As soon as he landed he launched himself sideways, in the nick of time to miss being slashed by Arthur’s sword. “Stop him!!” Gwaine screamed.  
Arthur rose from his attack and turned on Elyan. With feet and elbows flying he attacked Elyan with renewed vigor. Elyan barely got his sword up in time to stop a fatal cut as Arthur whirled and slashed.  
“Stop him!” Elyan cried before receiving a vicious hit that sent him flying.  
Arthur saw nothing. His rage was in full force, his anger and frustration feeding his fight as he struck out blindly at anyone and everyone. He was deaf to the voices of his knights trying to call him off the attack. He turned, crouched in attack posture, looking for his next victim. He didn’t see the blow that hit him from behind.  
Percival belted him between the shoulder blades with the butt of his sword. Arthur’s sword flew from his hand and he dropped like a stone on all fours. “Enough Arthur,” Percival panted. “That’s enough”.  
Arthur finally stopped, down on all fours, head dropped, gasping to regain his breath. The energy drained out of him and the despair crashed back in. He gave a gasp of anguish, then gritted his teeth to stop the misery from pouring out.  
Lancelot dropped down beside him, breathing heavily from exertion, his arm bleeding from a nasty cut.  
“This can’t go on, Arthur. This has to stop”.  
Arthur just shook his head, trying to regain control of himself, and failing.  
“Arthur you can’t keep punishing yourself – and us – like this.” Lancelot leaned in close to Arthur and dropped his voice, “You need him back, before you kill us all”.  
Lancelot was the only one who heard the muffled sob. Arthur finally nodded in defeat.  
“Bring him back. Find him.” He whispered.  
Lancelot stood up and left Arthur to his misery. He walked over to where the knights were gathered. Gwaine and Percival were resetting Elyan dislocated shoulder. Leon was sitting on the ground wrapping a torn scrap around a deep cut on his leg. He looked up as Lancelot approached. “What did he say?”  
“We look for Merlin, and we bring him back”  
“About bloody time” groused Gwaine in disgust.

****

It had been three weeks and there was no sign of Merlin. The knights had dispersed around the kingdom asking about him, but there were no leads. Arthur sat in the council chamber signing papers that Uther handed him. He didn’t even bother reading them.  
“Arthur for god sake, what is the matter with you?” Uther grumbled. “You’re not paying the slightest bit of attention!”  
“Sorry father” Arthur mumbled, not raising his eyes.  
“Arthur – what is wrong? You’ve been in a bad mood for two months now. And look at you, you’re like the walking dead – here in body but not in mind. What’s the matter?” Uther demanded.  
“Nothing father,” said Arthur.  
“And that’s another thing – you don’t talk anymore, just ‘Yes father’ and ‘No father’. Honestly, you’d think you’d lost your best friend or something! Why don’t you go out hunting with that servant of yours – get some fresh air, it will do you good.”  
Arthur grimaced “He’s not here father – he’s gone.”  
“Gone? What do you mean ‘gone’? What did you do, fire him?”  
“Yes, I fired him”  
“Hmm” said Uther. “Well I can’t say it’s a great loss. The boy was clumsy, insolent and always underfoot.”  
“He was a good and loyal servant!” Arthur glared at Uther. “And he was my friend!”  
“So why did you fire him?”  
Uther watched the play of emotions run across his son’s face before Arthur could reign them in.  
“Because I’m a fool,” he said softly.  
The council doors opened, Lancelot strode in and nodded to Uther. “Excuse me sire, but I have need of the Prince.”  
Arthur looked up at Lancelot, not daring to hope. Lancelot looked back and gave the slightest of nods. Instantly Arthur was on his feet and rushing Lancelot out of the chamber. When they reached the hall, he whirled around and demanded “Where is he?”  
Lancelot smiled “He’s in your chambers. We found him in…” he didn’t finish as Arthur was running down the hall towards his room.

****

“MERLIN?!” Arthur burst through the doors of his chamber, his eyes frantically searching the room. Merlin was standing by the far window, silhouetted by the bright sun that shone through. Arthur couldn’t see his face, but he recognized the shape of his former servant. “Merlin.”  
The two men surveyed each other in silence as Merlin walk towards Arthur and he could finally see him.  
“You look like hell, Arthur,” said Merlin.  
Arthur had lost noticeable weight, his cheeks were hollow and his collarbone was prominent. Even his clothes hung looser on him. His hair, normally lightly tossed now lay flat and limp. There were new lines around his eyes and mouth. Only his eyes were alive in his face, filled with hope but not daring to believe.  
“You’ve got a beard,” replied Arthur, his eyes drinking in the sight of Merlin.  
In contrast to him, Merlin seemed to have thrived. Somehow, he had grown from a boy to a man, his shoulders had filled out, his hair was longer and now he had a trim beard. Even his demeanor had changed. He held himself prouder, more confidently. He was wearing a white linen shirt and dark breeches tucked into his boots, and a brown cloak was over his shoulders.  
Merlin reached out and cupped Arthur’s cheek. “I’ve missed you.”  
A tear hovered on Arthur’s eye as he turned into the cupped hand. His eyes drifted closed and the tear escaped to trail slowly down his cheek.  
Merlin stepped forward and drew Arthur into his embrace. They clung together in silence for long moments.  
“I hear you’ve been trying to kill the knights,” said Merlin, rubbing his cheek on Arthur’s bent head.  
Arthur gave a bark of laughter then pulled out of the embrace, embarrassed. He walked over to the table and poured two goblets of wine. Pulling out a chair, he indicated that Merlin should sit. When he did, Arthur passed him a goblet then took his own seat.  
“I have some apologizing to do to them,” he said, taking a sip of his wine.  
“From what I hear, you tried to slaughter them all”  
Arthur had the grace to look ashamed. “They’re better trained because of it.”  
“They’re lucky to be alive because of it! Was it really necessary to be so aggressive?”  
“It was the only way…” Arthur trailed off, looking into his wine  
“Only way for what?”  
“The only way to forget you for a while. While I was fighting, I couldn’t think of you. It was the only peace I could find.”  
Merlin was silent as he thought about what Arthur had said.  
“What about you, Merlin? Where have you been?” Arthur looked at Merlin consideringly. “Apparently you haven’t been suffering at all.”  
Merlin gave him a cheeky grin. “Well, I’ve done alright for myself. I’m working for King Orloff.”  
“Orloff? How did that happen?”  
Merlin shrugged casually. “Showed up on his doorstep, told him I was an advisor of Arthur of Camelot and he took me in as his advisor. Apparently he thinks I’m very wise.”  
Arthur choked on his wine and Merlin reached out to pound him on his back.  
“You’re not a servant anymore?” Arthur wiped his mouth on his sleeve and took another sip of wine  
“A respected member of King Orloff’s court actually. And my credibility really grew when five knights from Camelot showed up demanding my immediate return to the Prince’s service.” Merlin grinned broadly at the memory. “I was offered a very tidy sum of money to stay, but Lancelot pleaded the case of the Prince who was lost without his right-hand man.”  
Arthur stared at Merlin in amazement. Merlin sat back and calmly took a sip of his wine. “Do you realize that this is the first time you’ve invited me to sit and drink with you?” He took another sip of his wine.  
“Merlin….”  
There was a discrete knock on the door. Arthur looked at Merlin, who looked back at him unmoving, “I don’t work here any more, remember?”  
Arthur flushed at the rebuke and went to open the door. Lancelot stood in the doorway holding a tray of food. He bowed at Arthur, then, looking past him to Merlin, smiled and nodded.  
“I’ve brought you refreshments, sire.”  
Arthur took the tray “Thank you Lancelot”  
Lancelot bowed again then said “A few of the knights and I have started a dice game, just down the hallway there” he gestured to his left. “It will probably last a long time, but it will ensure your privacy so you are not disturbed.”  
Arthur’s mouth dropped open. “Thank you Lancelot” he replied awkwardly, then stepped back and shut the door. He turned and found Merlin walking towards him grinning broadly. Merlin reached out for the tray. “They know. They all know.”  
He caught the tray just in time as Arthur paled. “What do you mean they know?”  
Merlin turned and deposited the tray on the table, lifting the napkin to see what was underneath. “They know because I told them. But it wasn’t a shock – they’d already figured it out for themselves.” Merlin picked up a slice of fresh bread and took a bite.  
Arthur slumped into his chair, his face in shock “They know?”  
“They knew before I left. Said it was obvious you were in love with me. But they didn’t understand why you sent me away.”  
“Oh God!” Arthur dropped his head into his hands. “They knew all along?”  
Merlin passed him he goblet. “Here, drink. You need it.”  
Arthur took the goblet and a long swallow. He put the cup down and threw his head back against the chair.  
“What the hell do I do now?”  
“This” said Merlin, as he moved to stand beside Arthur’s chair. He leaned over Arthur and dropped a soft, lingering kiss on his lips.  
When Arthur could breath properly again, he looked up at Merlin “Nothing’s changed Merlin.”  
“You’re wrong, Arthur. The knights know, and they still respect you. More than that, they are willing to protect you – to protect us.” Merlin reached for Arthur’s hand, then stepped back, pulling him out of his chair. Merlin smiled at Arthur and Arthur felt himself drowning in Merlin’s eyes. He felt his heart unfurl and a swift heat flow through him. Then Merlin was leaning in to kiss him.


End file.
